flying by

does it seem to anyone else that life happens at a different speed in the summer? Friends get married, school is over, living situations change. it feels as i read my facebook newsfeed, which is pretty much my only connection to the world outside of the Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey these days, that people are out there living life at a speed that astounds me. how do i catch up? keep up? do i need to?
I remind myself sometimes, when i start doubting what exactly it is that i am doing here, that this current place i am in was not something i stumbled into or let fall into my lap. I consciously thought out each step of it with planning and awareness.

And what i most need to learn is that sometimes, you need to stop worrying about the next step and live. I am still certain that i want to have adventures, that i want to have a blast and a thousand stories by the time i turn 30. But i also feel that i don't want to sacrifice real experience and real connections for always finding the next thing. It's not as if i'm going to be dead at 30.
There are so many things that i still want to do, and they range from here to the other side of the world. But at the same time, i look at the people around me who have been in this company for a few years and see, beyond the frustration that comes with this company, the fact that they have connections and assurances. They have confidence (which sometimes comes across as arrogance) that they know what they are doing and they know how things work here. I just feel unsettled. and sometimes frustrated. and often like perhaps this wasn't the right path. but each time i question my decision to come and work here and live on the east coast again, i remind myself that i made this decision consciously, and that in some way that i am not yet fully aware of, following through on this commitment to the end is going to be a great benefit to me and lead me to better places.
so i've made myself feel better once again. but man, does it sound amazing to live in nepal or sudan or china or go to grad school in england or wales.