Why I Blog - The Atlantic (November 2008)

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200811/andrew-sullivan-why-i-blog

Great essay about blogging

Push by Sapphire

Now that I have finished it, I understand why this book is now a movie.

I heard an interview with Sapphire today. She said that people have
continuously asked her for the rights to make this book into a movie
since it first came out in 1996. She said she's happy with the movie.
She said that in Utah (presumably at Sundance) a white woman in the
audience said in response to the film that she would now look at a fat
black woman and see her as a person: (emphasis  mine)
"After seeing this film, she had to deal with an obese black woman as a feeling, intelligent person, as a person who dreams, as a person who wants the things that she wants. So we brought up a stereotype, and we cracked it open, and a human being comes forth." (link to interview)

This book is about the incredible journey of this one girl to
overcome the terrible hand she was dealt and begin to be a part of the
world. She learns that she needs not fight the world on her own.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this book is about these tragic stories,
these abused women and the sorrow of their lives, but I don't think
so. The girls that Precious (the main character and narrator) meet in her literacy class, each has her own way that she has fought to overcome. They can find the beauty in their lives, and I
think what Sapphire wanted to show was the resilience of people, of
women.
At least that's what she said to me.

what's in a name?

I'm not always sure i can exactly explain the significance a name has, but i've changed mine.  so if you ever use the url to get here, it's different now.

art to science

When i was younger, i had no interest in anything science.  That was the thing my mom did.  that was what my brother did.  it was for geeks. it was too much memorization.  It had nothing to do with me, and it wouldn't affect me if i didn't pay attention to it.  ...why did i think that?
and the environment.  all through college, i had these super hippy friends who were obsessive about recycling and reusable water bottles and stuff.  and i just figured, that's their thing, i've got mine.  even in americorps, when i started, i just shrugged off all the environmental stuff.  i figured, sure, i'll recycle, that's a good thing to do.  this reusable water bottle is kind of nice, saving me money and all, and never thought beyond that.  i liked hiking, but i didn't want a project to build trails.  what a waste! i thought.
and then i changed my mind.  when? i'm not sure.  Maybe it was going to a place (st. bernard, louisiana) that didn't have things like recycling.  a place where my reusable water bottle wasn't quite so much use to me since the water wasn't drinkable.  a place where trash was piled everywhere.  maybe it was going to a place where we couldn't swim in the gulf because of the pollution (biloxi, mississippi) even 2 1/2 years after the hurricane.  How scary is that!

So now, i find that all this science stuff is incredibly interesting.  Instead of tossing away the science section of the NY Times, i pick it up eagerly.  (Did you see this?

Science helps art

FINDINGS

A High-Tech Hunt for Lost Art

By JOHN TIERNEY

Published: October 6, 2009

Leonardo da Vinci probably would have loved the use of scientific gadgetry to locate his lost masterpiece.

How amazing is that?)


and today, i listened to an entire radio program on radiolab about parasites.  and found it interesting! in fact, i found it fascinating, it made me laugh, i was so intrigued that i got home and had to go online to find the podcast and listen to the rest of it.  

have i changed?  has the nature of presentation changed to make it more palatable for me?  or have i just started finally paying attention?
and why did i ever stop liking science?

actually, i think i know the answer to that question.  When i was in 8th grade, i started really struggling in my science class.  I'd never struggled to grasp an idea before.  i'd never had trouble learning and getting good grades.  and for the first time, i did.  and i tried, but i never quite got good at it, so i was frustrated.  so i guess i gave up. 
all those years of learning cool sciencey things i missed out on!  

have you hugged a tree recently?  because it's awesome.

(photo from this guy)

what makes a friend?

I was watching Dexter tonight. i know, all my references are to tv shows these days.  don't hold it against me.  but anyway, i was watching in the 3rd season(if anyone who reads this is familiar with the show, and i don't think you are) in which dexter, the lonesome sociopath, meets a friend.  he questions how far to trust a friend, how far does he go for this person and how far does this person go for him.

and to me, the questions were always so simple.  maybe it was the way i was raised, but i think part of it is just me.  i have this notion that everything i have is for the giving, that a true friend is the person who is eager to talk to you about anything, and will bend over backwards for you when you need something.  I've needed my friends to deal with me going crazy, and coming back again.  Family, of course, is there when you need them, and there when you don't.  that's a given to me. (and yes i know how lucky i am that i have them to take for granted)

who would i get up in the middle of the night for?  and would you do the same for me?  how does a friendship survive when the parties involved have different definitions of who they are to each other?  we each have our own value systems, our own upbringing, and our own self preservation.

::tangent::
i just looked up where the phrase bleeding heart liberal came from.  turns out it means someone who is excessively compassionate.  excessively compassionate?  how does one have sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it too much?  feeling sorry for someone, having pity, those are apparently synonyms of compassion.  but i disagree.  because pity and feeling sorry for someone have, in this day in this country, the implication that you feel you are better than someone.  but compassion?  com means with, and i don't think compassion means with passion.  not to me, at least.  to me it means that you are, in your own mind, sitting just next to this person feeling bad right along with them about what is happening.  it means you want to do something about it because you see that something needs to be done.  it means taking power with your sadness and turning them together into good.  so when i hear the term bleeding heart, and someone tries to make it a negative thing, it doesn't work.  because i just think, yeah.  that's me.

::end tangent::

it's just that i think that if i can feel that much emotion towards someone i don't know, other than they are a fellow human being, how can i not feel that for a friend?  and if i feel that strong connection toward my friends, how can it not be mutual?

so, dexter, what makes a friend?  trust?  respect? mere company? does a person have to have something in common with you to be a friend?  i've found it remarkable recently to realise the people i talk to the most i have the least in common with.  no similar music taste.  or work. no shared history.  no shared outlook on the world.  what do we have in common?  nothing.  what do we talk about?  well, i couldn't quite tell you sometimes.  but somehow, i've learned, all humans are connected.  once you find the point of entry, any person can be a friend.

so. making friends, i can do.  keeping them... i'm having a harder time with that.  and what do we do when the other person isn't living up to that friend code?  then what?

what ends a friendship?  how many of those secret rules must be broken, how many days of disappointment until you cross a person off the list?  i've crossed 3 people quite definitively off my list in the last 6 years.  does this make me more harsh with my list?  does this make me a bad person?

A great fear

I just read an article in bitch magazine. It was interesting and incredibly well written. The blurb at the end led me to the auther's blog, which is also interesting well written. I felt engaged and curious about topics unrelated to me that usually I would just ignore.
But the writer herself is a person I am most afraid of, so I won't be reading that blog anymore.
I don't think I have ever encountered something that so completely filled me with "I don't want to be that person" fear. Single, intelligent, even funny. Also, 40 years old, single, and having never held a meaningful job.
This is a position I had never considered for myself until recently. I have a housemate who is in his mid 40s and his aloneness overwhelms me, and on some level, (though I hate to admit it) disgusts me. But I think my disgust is like that of the homophobe who is really a closeted homosexual. Is that me? I know I am only 25 and that in any person's life, anything can happen and life can change so quickly... But I am alone. This fact is brought home to me regularly as I encounter so many of my friends paired off. And in my priority of finding a job that I can be passionate about and proud of, well I'm not doing so hot in that category either.
A lot of this fear comes from my recent life experience, which has solidified in my mind that I am an Adult. And as TV tells us, once you are an adult, life is really just one long drone. Days, months, and years run together. Once a person achieves the status of grown up, the time from 25 to 40 can happen in the blink of an eye. Right?
Goodness, I hope not. It is my greatest fear.

Coming Out in Middle School

By BENOIT DENIZET-LEWIS

Published: September 27, 2009

How 13-year-old kids are dealing with their sexual identity — and how others are dealing with them.

link to article


This is the reason i no longer feel the need to carry my sexuality as a secret and a burden.  12 year olds are proudly coming out.  And while i know i was too shy and not self aware and all that to be able to even know who i was at 12, i'm impressed that kids today are not afraid.  So if people half my age are talking openly about their sexuality in big cities and small towns all over the country, who am i to think that my sexuality will matter to anyone other than the people i want to date.