Yoga Zen

I realized tonight during yoga, when i was releasing stress and all that at the end, that while it is ok for me to miss new york, it doesn't make sense to use so much of my emotional energy on wishing i was in a place where i am not.
I learned as recently as this summer that it is only possible for me to fully enjoy an experience and a place once i invest myself in being there fully. Which is basically what kristin told me this morning as well.

Today was actually a great day. The daytime stuff was fine, nothing all that good or bad about the trainings. But after, i spent hours sitting in the grass with a group of people that changed constantly, having conversation, learning from everyone around me. And after dinner tonight, i went to yoga, led by my former pod leader, who was an awesome pod leader, and is an awesome yoga instructor. i felt so good about myself during and after the class. It was incredibly slow and relaxed, but i think that whether i realized it or not, that was just what i needed today.

And then tonight i watched My Neighbor Totoro with some friends! Such a cute movie, i feel so happy after that.

AND! I don't have to get for PT tomorrow. Wednesday is the day off. Yay!
PT's been ok, by the way. Yesterday was the first day and it was pretty easy. And today, we ran 2 miles, and i had running partners, we kept each other motivated, and even though i wanted to give up at one point, we ran(jogged) the whole thing, and after it ended, i was proud that i had been able to do that. I can't say i'm starting to enjoy running or anything, but i don't feel like a total slug. :)

amandas and MADD

There are so many girls named Amanda here! I've known people named amanda before, but never so many. There's one other Amanda on my team, and we're still trying to figure out what to do with that, so that we aren't all confused all the time, because neither of us really wants to have a nickname. And, there's another Amanda in the group that i've been hanging out with recently. And there's at least one other Amanda on my floor... and 3 more that i've had conversations longer than 5 minutes with, and probably 10 or so more on campus. Why did they all have to take my name? It's not like my parents named me Laura or Lauren or Katy or Kate or Caitlin, those names that so many of my friends seem to have. I've never felt so unoriginal in regards to my name. And i think there's some Mandys too! Geez!

Today was great though. We finally did some actual work. It was Make a Difference Day, a national service movement to create community gardens and green spaces in cities across the country. I really enjoyed the place I was working. I know other people at the farm were doing things like breaking down dilapidated buildings and planting things and building things, all kinds of projects i'd have found much more interesting, but even painting and cleaning was nice after days of classrooms with no windows. I think i can enjoy any project that i can look at in the end and see that i've made an impact. The place i was working is called Soil Born Farm Urban Agriculture Project. It's a sustainable agriculture project. It's the first time i've really been exposed to things like this, i've always thought that it was just for the hippies and really environmental people, but i think that maybe these are projects i can get behind. Helps kids, lots of hard work, lots of being outside. And it was started by 2 people, including 1 former Americorps member.
I may have to look into spending more time at this place...
website, if you're curious (i haven't looked at it yet, but i will!): soilborn.org

baseline: check!

I had my baseline test, the initial physical training test that determines which level i'm in for the rest of CTI (Corps Training Institute), and i'm so glad it's finally over! I thought they'd do it as soon as we got here, and now i'm glad they didn't, because it meant i had a chance to get comfortable here before doing something that could potentially make me feel really bad about myself.
But it's over now, and I do NOT feel bad about myself! At all! I ran (jogged) the whole way. Didn't stop once to walk. So i can now say i've run a mile and a half. And from what i hear, we will continue to push and push. I've got plenty of room for improvement, but i have done the test now. no more need to be nervous.
Now, i just have some early mornings ahead of me on monday, tuesday, thursday and friday of every week for the rest of CTI. I'm so sore right now!
But I've got a reading date with some people from my team soon. We're going to go to Starbucks (or maybe Jamba Juice) and sit and read our seperate books.... or more likely, we'll sit with our books in front of us and talk. But that's cool too!

Gold 1

That's my team: Gold 1.
So for those of you who already have my address, add that after my name to get mail to me even faster. Especially once i go out on spike, it'll be good to have my team on there so they can send my mail to wherever i am.

Now for some definitions!
Muster=meet at a location, usually in the morning
Spike- the official definition is a project that is off campus. So my 4 projects, which will most likely not be in Sacramento, will be called Spikes.
other little trivial definitions just for interest include:
BDUs-Battle Dress Uniform (our uniform pants)
EBI- Even Better Ifs-we have these response sessions where we say what could be better and what we liked. the what could be betters are even better ifs
NCCC-National Civilian Community Corps
POC-Point of Contact
POS-Piece of shit (what my TL called our current van)
TL-Team Leader
CM-Corps Member - That's me!

I'm glad to have my team now. And we have our Baseline tests in the morning. 6:20 am baby!
So after that, i no longer have to be nervous about the baseline, just the PT itself.
(baseline is the initial test, PT is Physical Training)

So wish me luck! Though.. by the time many of you read this i'll have done the test already.
Yay Gold 1.

California Wildfires

We learned today that the Red Cross disaster training we were supposed to have has been suspended because of fires in southern California. Because of the isolated environment we're in, despite having an internet connection i haven't been paying attention to the news. But today, when my browser opened, there they were, the california wild fires right on the front page of the NY times.
And when i was talking to people at lunch, we sort of realized that if we weren't still in training, we'd almost definitely be down there helping out in whatever way we could. But instead, I'm about to go to my intro to PT.

but here's a link.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/23/us/23cnd-fire.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

Dull Sacramento

After taking the light rail into downtown Sacramento 2 days in a row, i think it's safe for me to say that 1. the light rail is easy to use and quite convenient (only a one mile walk!) and 2. Sacramento is boring.
That isn't to say that i've given up on it. I'm determined to find something valuable in this new city of mine. It must have something interesting to offer, right? Some artsy neighborhood or something...

I did determine yesterday when i was in Sacramento that everyone here is nicer than me. That's probably not actually true. And I like to think of myself as a fairly nice person, but i have never been very good at witholding my opinions. Like yesterday when we went into one restaurant for a potential lunch spot, but discovered that it would've been impossible to pay less than 15 dollars for a meal. Everyone was kinda like, ho hum, i suppose that's fine. And i said "i think that's a little bit more than i want to pay for lunch." so we went somewhere else. I really don't see anything wrong with that sort of expressing of my opinions, but i feel like an alien doing it when no one else is!!
I'm also pretty sure most of the time i'm the only cynical person here. I also know this isn't true.. I've in fact made friends with the one person here who is more cynical than me. She and i get along quite well. But around everyone else, i feel myself tip-toeing. and i know that everyone's doing that right now, none of us know each other very well... but i don't like it and i'm not good at it.

Final piece of news, I got to have decent length phone conversations with my dad, Autumn, and Kateri yesterday throughout the evening. I don't think i even realized how homesick i was, but to be able to talk to people i loved, it became blaringly obvious to me how much i miss everyone at home.... or wherever they are. And as i thought of that this morning, and started thinking maybe i want to go home, i realized that of the 4 people i talked to yesterday (yes, i can do math, i talked to Laura online) they are in 4 different places, no one closer than 3 hours away from each other. So while my friends are spread out literally all over the world, there is no reason for me to run home. I need to just embrace this adventure that i'm currently on and make the most of it. But it doesn't mean i can't miss people.

One last thing: I have my introduction to PT this afternoon. So i'll be able to determine fully how well i'll be able to handle this whole 5:30 am PT thing after today. I'm trying very hard to be optimistic. Think happy thoughts for me at about 4 pm California time!

i miss theatre!!!

I was reading the Sacramento News & Review today. It's their version of the Riverfront Times or the Village Voice. I was just looking through the reviews, trying to get a feel of this city. And i got to the theatre page. there's one page. there's like 8 shows happening in the city, and that includes community theatre all the way up to fancy touring shows. How depressing!! It made me want to be back in new york more than anything else has. Even though most of the time i was in new york i didn't see many shows outside of the one i was working on, they were there, and i did take the opportunity about once a month to go see a show that i had been reading about and was interested in seeing. Aah, it scares me to think of not having theatre in my life.

American River

Yesterday was awesome!
I'll go back a bit. We have basically the entire weekend off. I had my physical last night at 7:30, but beyond that, i've been off since mid afternoon on Friday, and the next thing i have is a community meeting tomorrow morning at 8 am. And then i'm actually off for the rest of the day tomorrow. I think it's because they're having to do the trainings in rotation, and only have so many people in the administrative staff, so some people have down time while others get to sit in meetings all day. I don't really know how it'll work for the rest of training, but that's what's happening right now.

Back to yesterday.
My pod (temporary team), along with a few others, went to the American River, which is about 20 minutes away. There's a beach at a slow moving part of the river, and you can swim, hike, and supposedly kayak. The kayak rental place was closed, unfortunately, but it was pretty, and the hiking, while not amazing, was still nice. It was really good to get off campus, get fresh air, move my legs and get some exercise. I know i should be running to get ready for this baseline test coming up, but i just don't want to. So hiking was great, i walked with a couple other people, one from my pod and one from another pod that i met as we were starting our walk, and we had a great conversation about fascinating things like what is art and how this guy i was walking with is going to do a mock moon landing on the 30 year anniversary of the original moon landing as art. It wasn't the longest, most interesting, or challenging hike i've done recently, but it was still really nice.

Then last night, after my physical, i was just walking through the two buildings looking for something to do. I was hoping people might be playing games again, because i played apples to apples a few nights ago, and heard people played spoons night before last. But i didn't get too far. I was in one of the other dorms, found a friend of mine looking at the bookshelf in the computer lab, and started talking to her. As we sat by the bookshelf talking, this other girl i'd met before came over and we started talking to her. The second girl decided to start organizing the bookshelf, the first girl had to leave, someone the second girl knew came over to look at the books, sat down, then another girl came over, and before i knew it i'd been sitting there an hour. The girl organizing left to go to bed, and another hour passed as i had this conversation with the other two girls there, who i'd just met. We ended up deciding to go to bed, but as we were on our way out, some other people taht we happened to all know came by the room, and I ended up sitting with them for 2 more hours in another room having a conversation that started out with quotes from mean girls and ended up as a discussion on abortion, faith, and how people of different views can benefit from listening to each other.
It was really cool, and there were people with completely different views from my own, and it was awesome to just sit there and talk to them, hear their views, speak my mind, but know that while we may not have all agreed, we were listening to each other and learning. I hope that i meet up with those people again, and that conversations like that happen more and more here.
I actually found myself incredibly challenged by that discussion to listen to people whose views were very different from my own. I realized that the environments i've been in through college and working in theatre didn't provide me with a very diverse group as far as mindsets and belief systems went.
I also realized that I had something of an evolution in college. When i first got there, I found the way so many of the people around me generalized and stereotyped incredibly frustrating, but somehow 4 years of living in an environment like that made me think in the same way. I heard myself speaking, and thought i sounded like such a snob, sitting there acting like i knew what it was all about and i had everything figured out. Truth is, I know i don't have everything figured out, and i was incredibly happy to be able to sit and have a respectful conversation with people i disagreed with.

I have today off as well, but there's nothing planned, i have no idea what i want to do. I hear that the bus system's a mess, but it is possible to get to downtown Sacramento by light rail, if you can figure out how to get to it. I also know that a few of the people i was with last night said they were going to try to get their team leader to organize a trip to the American River for this afternoon, so maybe i can jump on that and go there again. There were some great climbing trees, but i didn't have time to do any climbing because i spent my entire time on my walk.
And if nothing else, i wouldn't mind sitting and reading my book all day.

It gets better

Last night, well, yesterday was pretty cool. Boring paperwork meetings all morning, and then more meetings in the afternoon... But by midafternoon, i was free, no responsibilities the rest of the day. And at first i was nervous. I thought "what am i going to do with all this free time? what if i can't find people to hang out with?" but luckily, i ran into a girl i'd befriended standing in line the day before, and we hung out in her room for a while. We played Set! and we went to dinner together, where we met a whole bunch of people. And from there, the night was sort of a lot of wandering around, meeting different people, and I ended up with a crew of about 20 perfect strangers playing Apples to Apples. It was great. I had a really good night. And i feel like today i could talk to any one of the dozen or so people i met throughout the evening, in addition to the small handful of friends i'd made the first day standing in line.

Today's been really ok. The atmosphere is really cool around here. Basically, because we all came in with the same situation of knowing no one and a totally new experience, it's completely acceptable to sit down with a group of people you don't know, say your name, and start a conversation. I have to admit, i don't sit with a group unless i know one person at least, but a lot of people are more outgoing than me, so groups just grow, and everyone's willing to talk to everyone. Conversations turn to everything.

I've learned that a large number of the people here are either just out or a year out of college like me. And overwhelmining majority are anywhere from democrat to extremely liberal. I haven't met someone yet who was pro bush or even a republican.
Someone last night described this as hippie boot camp.
I had an entire conversation about literature with a group of people!

I do have some requests, for friends who might be willing to send me a package?
I have this lovely uniform with lots of specifics on what i can and can't wear. but what isn't specified is socks. So a couple pairs of brightly colored socks would be awesome. I do know the address now, if you leave a comment i'll email it to you.
Oh, and dad, could you send me a microwavable travel mug? if we have one at home?

Sadly, my retainer that was in my nose fell out yesterday morning! my blankets pulled it out in the night, i woke up when it happened but couldn't find it. i'm not worried about the hole closing up if i just have it out a little while, but i definitely want to get a new retainer soon.

And now, i'm going to go put on those steel toed boots to start wearing them in, and go to another meeting!! yay meetings!

Hello Sacramento

Here i am, all Americorps-y.
All that "it sounds like the army" stuff? It sort of...is. we're on a military base. it's got a lot of military terms like "muster" and stuff. we have all sorts of rules about the uniform like how we have to wear the shirts tucked in, and the no face jewelry thing, and where pants have to sit and having to wear their belt and a certain kind of shoes and so on and no hats indoors and only certain hats and hair covers at certain hair things at certain times outdoors. No bandanas! Sad!
I've met a million people today, and i actually remember a fair number of names, but i'm sure they don't remember mine. it's ok, it's been overwhelming. The entire afternoon once we got here was spent standing in lines waiting to get an id card and uniform and room keys and steel toed boots (yay! i'm excited about those)
it's been completely overwhelming. I finally saw Georgia, and she lives on my floor, so i got to talk to her a little bit tonight. I gotta say, after this large sea of completely unfamiliar faces, it's really nice to see and talk to someone i know. (explanation for people who don't know, georgia went to school with me and is now a team leader here.)

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, to really starting things, enough of this waiting around!
But i have my room, my bed is made. my roommate is straight out of high school. Actually, she graduated early from high school. She's 17, turns 18 in 2 weeks. So the youngest person here is with one of the oldest? It's not on purpose or anything, the room assignments were totally random. Literally pulling a key out of a bucket. So it's ok, i don't think we'll be spending all that much time together, i'm pretty much guaranteed not to be on the same team as her. And i don't think the schedule lends itself to spending lots of time in the room. It'll be fine.

And now, despite the fact that it's only 9 oclock, i'm completely exhausted, i think i'm just going to listen to some music and go to bed. Goodnight!

Goodbye nosering

This morning, I got up, got dressed, went to my dad's toolbox. I got out a pair of dikes and cut my nose ring off of my nose.
Facial piercings are not allowed at Americorps. And while i think that i will get over this sad fact eventually, today i am sad. I intend to take my eyebrow ring in and out when i'm at Americorps. This is easy, this is a hole that has healed very comfortably, so i can take the ring in and out without any trouble. But every time i've taken my nose ring out to change it for whatever reason, it has hurt like a bitch, gets swollen, and often bleeds. So i thought rather than deal with that pain, i just cut it out.
i hope it will be worth it.

3 days left

I had great intentions that i was going to start packing as soon as i got home, be really prepared and all that...

Well, you may have guessed, it's now sunday and i haven't even started packing yet. I'm going to start today. really, i will. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

4 days and counting

In 5 days, i'm leaving for Americorps.. I'll be joining the Americorps NCCC Sacramento XIV. Me and 474 other Americans between 18 and 24. All there for the purpose of serving our fellow man.

Things that scare me:

• 5:30 am Physical Training. A mile run every day? Seriously? This is the girl who cheated at running the mile in gym class (don't tell my gym teacher)! I never cheated on a test or homework. Seriously, never. But gym class when i was in 5th grade, i cheated. Didja even know that was possible? I was always thinking outside the box...

• Uniforms. Scary, you might say. Yes! Scary! I am very attached to my individuality! Can i maintain my own self, not become a mindless government zombie, when they've got me in a uniform? And it's not just the uniform, specifically, as in the clothes i'm supposed to wear. It's also that i have to take my piercings out. This upsets me a great deal. I've had my nose pierced for 5 years, my eyebrow for 4. I went to the conservative parts of Ghana with piercings in my face, and now i have to go to California without them?! I honestly didn't know that i'd be required to take them out for this, and i wonder if i'd have still done it. You may wonder, why is she dwelling so much on something so simple as a nose ring? But for me, my nose ring is one of the things that makes me me. I have known since i got it done 5 years ago that i'd eventually have to take it out. but i'm just not ready yet. So in the next couple days, i'm going to figure out how i can either keep it in, or be able to take my piercings in and out when i'm on and off duty so the holes don't close up.

I am starting to get excited in spite of myself. I've been reading the discussions on yuku.com, and have had most of my questions answered.

Things I've learned:
-There are different activity levels for the physical training, and we'll be put in groups with people who are similar ability levels. And i'll have to do pushups for 2 minutes.... have i ever done a pushup? Situps for 2 minutes.. that should be fine. and a mile and a half run. ha! i'd rather walk 50 miles than run one. but maybe i'll be like simon pegg in Run Fatboy Run, and i'll learn to like running as i do it. I'll let you know. To be honest, none of the blogs from Americorp people that i've read have really mentioned the PT, so maybe it's not such a big deal?

-I'm pretty much guaranteed to be spending at least part of my time in the Gulf Coast area, the areas hit hardest by Hurricane Katrina. I've also learned that there's a group last year that went to Hawaii... i've never been to hawaii. There's a lot of places on the west coast i've never been. and the gulf coast, for that matter. So it'll be cool to see new places.

-I'm never really going to know what's going on ahead of time. It seems that things change pretty much constantly, so my last month and a half of traveling without an itinerary will have prepared me very well for another year spent not knowing exactly what i'll be doing in the day by day...


And finally, my flight itinerary:

UNITED AIRLINES (UA)
Flight# 939
Departs: STL 10/17 8:30 AM
Arrives: DEN 10/17 9:57 AM

UNITED AIRLINES (UA)
Flight# 1157
Departs: DEN 10/17 11:42 AM
Arrives: SMF 10/17 1:09 PM

St. Louis. Home?

It’s been a long time since i lived in this house. I do still call it home, but in so many ways it really isn’t mine anymore. There’s a new dog. She barks at everything. I love my dog, i’m finding myself annoyed that Kayla is trying to take attention away from Molly. I suppose like a typical younger sibling.
After 5 weeks of vacation, here I am at the place that I have the most freedom to relax and do nothing of anywhere. There is always lots of food, good food that I enjoy and take comfort in. There’s a great internet connection, Lots of movies. we might have cable, i don’t really remember.

So here I am, at home. Driving through the midwestern flatness for Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois gave me the same sense of dread it always does when i drive home. It’s not until I see the St. Louis skyline that i start calming down and thinking maybe it isn’t a mistake coming home after all. I never really fit into the midwestern mentality, whatever that might be, but i’ve become very east coast, very new york. Someone talked to me at a rest stop where i was going to the bathroom, and i was like, what the hell is this lady doing, and why does she think it’s ok to talk to me? And my driving… yeah, i don’t drive in such a friendly way anymore. I’m going to try to reign it in while i’m here, don’t want to scare anyone.

Relaxing… you know, i’m sort of done with the whole relaxing thing. I know i definitely need to catch up on sleep while i’m here. some people might be surprised when i say i haven’t really been sleeping. This morning i woke up at 6:42. yesterday it was 4:44. the day before, i woke up about every hour from the time i went to bed at 2:30 until i finally gave up on sleeping about 8:30. and that’s just since getting back to the US! …so yeah, i should sleep. but beyond sleeping, i’m pretty over the whole vacation thing right now. I’m desperate to be active again. I hope that it won’t be too difficult to transition to americorps boot camp from this long period of inactivity.

I wish so much that Laura and/or Kristin were in town. I have tons of stuff to do to get ready to leave in 6 days, but it would be really good to see them…