what's in a name?

I'm not always sure i can exactly explain the significance a name has, but i've changed mine.  so if you ever use the url to get here, it's different now.

art to science

When i was younger, i had no interest in anything science.  That was the thing my mom did.  that was what my brother did.  it was for geeks. it was too much memorization.  It had nothing to do with me, and it wouldn't affect me if i didn't pay attention to it.  ...why did i think that?
and the environment.  all through college, i had these super hippy friends who were obsessive about recycling and reusable water bottles and stuff.  and i just figured, that's their thing, i've got mine.  even in americorps, when i started, i just shrugged off all the environmental stuff.  i figured, sure, i'll recycle, that's a good thing to do.  this reusable water bottle is kind of nice, saving me money and all, and never thought beyond that.  i liked hiking, but i didn't want a project to build trails.  what a waste! i thought.
and then i changed my mind.  when? i'm not sure.  Maybe it was going to a place (st. bernard, louisiana) that didn't have things like recycling.  a place where my reusable water bottle wasn't quite so much use to me since the water wasn't drinkable.  a place where trash was piled everywhere.  maybe it was going to a place where we couldn't swim in the gulf because of the pollution (biloxi, mississippi) even 2 1/2 years after the hurricane.  How scary is that!

So now, i find that all this science stuff is incredibly interesting.  Instead of tossing away the science section of the NY Times, i pick it up eagerly.  (Did you see this?

Science helps art

FINDINGS

A High-Tech Hunt for Lost Art

By JOHN TIERNEY

Published: October 6, 2009

Leonardo da Vinci probably would have loved the use of scientific gadgetry to locate his lost masterpiece.

How amazing is that?)


and today, i listened to an entire radio program on radiolab about parasites.  and found it interesting! in fact, i found it fascinating, it made me laugh, i was so intrigued that i got home and had to go online to find the podcast and listen to the rest of it.  

have i changed?  has the nature of presentation changed to make it more palatable for me?  or have i just started finally paying attention?
and why did i ever stop liking science?

actually, i think i know the answer to that question.  When i was in 8th grade, i started really struggling in my science class.  I'd never struggled to grasp an idea before.  i'd never had trouble learning and getting good grades.  and for the first time, i did.  and i tried, but i never quite got good at it, so i was frustrated.  so i guess i gave up. 
all those years of learning cool sciencey things i missed out on!  

have you hugged a tree recently?  because it's awesome.

(photo from this guy)

what makes a friend?

I was watching Dexter tonight. i know, all my references are to tv shows these days.  don't hold it against me.  but anyway, i was watching in the 3rd season(if anyone who reads this is familiar with the show, and i don't think you are) in which dexter, the lonesome sociopath, meets a friend.  he questions how far to trust a friend, how far does he go for this person and how far does this person go for him.

and to me, the questions were always so simple.  maybe it was the way i was raised, but i think part of it is just me.  i have this notion that everything i have is for the giving, that a true friend is the person who is eager to talk to you about anything, and will bend over backwards for you when you need something.  I've needed my friends to deal with me going crazy, and coming back again.  Family, of course, is there when you need them, and there when you don't.  that's a given to me. (and yes i know how lucky i am that i have them to take for granted)

who would i get up in the middle of the night for?  and would you do the same for me?  how does a friendship survive when the parties involved have different definitions of who they are to each other?  we each have our own value systems, our own upbringing, and our own self preservation.

::tangent::
i just looked up where the phrase bleeding heart liberal came from.  turns out it means someone who is excessively compassionate.  excessively compassionate?  how does one have sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it too much?  feeling sorry for someone, having pity, those are apparently synonyms of compassion.  but i disagree.  because pity and feeling sorry for someone have, in this day in this country, the implication that you feel you are better than someone.  but compassion?  com means with, and i don't think compassion means with passion.  not to me, at least.  to me it means that you are, in your own mind, sitting just next to this person feeling bad right along with them about what is happening.  it means you want to do something about it because you see that something needs to be done.  it means taking power with your sadness and turning them together into good.  so when i hear the term bleeding heart, and someone tries to make it a negative thing, it doesn't work.  because i just think, yeah.  that's me.

::end tangent::

it's just that i think that if i can feel that much emotion towards someone i don't know, other than they are a fellow human being, how can i not feel that for a friend?  and if i feel that strong connection toward my friends, how can it not be mutual?

so, dexter, what makes a friend?  trust?  respect? mere company? does a person have to have something in common with you to be a friend?  i've found it remarkable recently to realise the people i talk to the most i have the least in common with.  no similar music taste.  or work. no shared history.  no shared outlook on the world.  what do we have in common?  nothing.  what do we talk about?  well, i couldn't quite tell you sometimes.  but somehow, i've learned, all humans are connected.  once you find the point of entry, any person can be a friend.

so. making friends, i can do.  keeping them... i'm having a harder time with that.  and what do we do when the other person isn't living up to that friend code?  then what?

what ends a friendship?  how many of those secret rules must be broken, how many days of disappointment until you cross a person off the list?  i've crossed 3 people quite definitively off my list in the last 6 years.  does this make me more harsh with my list?  does this make me a bad person?