Incomplete

I feel somehow incomplete today. I've checked all the ordinary things,
I am wearing all required items of clothing, I have my wallet, cell
phone, and iPod with me. In the most basic sense, that's all I need.
I'm not sure what it is.
I feel it might have something to do with my weekend's activities. The
simple act of reconnecting with friends, remembering what it feels
like to be around people I have the purest affection for, and then
some... To be in that environment, the part of college I miss the
most, and then leave it again. I have gently covered that little hole
in myself with self-assurance. I don't need anyone. But then I find
myself melting back into the place where I both knew I needed that
community and had it, it's painful each time to depart again.
I don't know if I am making sense.
I have been dealing with this more often and more specifically lately.
Being at Drew without actually being at Drew, it's hard. I remember
the emotions of being there, and really being a part of something.
It's what I have been seeking since the moment I graduated. But can it
really be repeated? We all grew into ourselves together. Even seeing
the people I lived with or partied with, it's not quite the same.
I don't want to spend my life living on memories. I have always prided
myself on being firmly in the present. But I don't feel like I am.
Maybe STNJ wasn't the right destination after all. There is more
baggage in this place and this position than I was prepared to deal
with. But I am here, I am forging new paths through the ruin of the
old ones. Developing new friendships with old friends. This place
still has the chance to be right.
But how long will I have to walk around incomplete before I get there?