saying goodbye

I've had my last day of work at both of my little jobs. Part time work at barnes and noble, and substitute personal care assistant at the smiths.
When i got home in august, i felt so completely defeated. I faild at americorps, i failed at camp. how do you fail at that, how did i fail at that? but i felt very much that i had, no matter what my friends and family said. I had this idea that i just needed to get a job, and be good at it, prove to myself that i can do well, i can be likeable and succeed.
I can confidently say that i have walked away from both places in a good way. I know they like me, respect me, appreciate my work, and will miss me.
But i wonder if this feeling of constantly proving to myself that i can succeed and i'm not a quitter... i wonder how long i will continue to feel the need to prove this to myself. I certainly feel it with this new job. I know that i will be in charge again. not completely or all the time, but there will be people who will report to me, and i want very much to prove to myself that i am not a bad leader. I don't want to be the scary bitch that everyone hates. i would rather be a minimum wage cafe server at barnes and noble for the rest of my life than feel the way that i did about myself for most of this summer.

but this was supposed to be positive! I've left this place in such a good way. I could go back to these jobs, i can get references from them. i have good memories and good friends. and the best part of this 8 month life sabbatical of mine, i feel better. i feel rested and ready to tackle the world. i have this sense that i can walk into something new without the weight of years of stress and anxiety on my shoulders. i think that's how it should be.