Home again home again. St. Louis doesn't really change much. It does, of course. Clayton Rd is wider now on what used to be my drive to high school. They're building a new shopping center with a Target and a Whole Foods right next to the Schnucks up the street. And the bar that is in the storefront that was once Fitz's has changed ownership yet again. (it's now called End Zone, just like the local sports bar in McClellan! goodie!)
But really, things are pretty constant here. The stockings on the chimney are the same ones we've always had, that my grandmother gave us back before i can remember. My parents and my brother are still annoying each other. The food is in the same place in the pantries and the house is always clean. I know, it's pretty basic, boring stuff. It doesn't make much difference, except to the child who leaves and comes back again, over and over.
Each time i come home, it feels different and it means something different to me. I've been home a total of 18 days in the last 2 years. It's sometimes a safe haven, and sometimes it feels like a trap. I have made choices that mean my environment and my circumstances are constantly changing. So I suppose it would make sense then, that depending on how i feel about the place i've come from, i feel differently about this one.
Right now, i feel idle. I've been home less than a day, but i've already done more sitting around than I have in the last month. And it's so quiet! And having my own room is strange, i can't believe how much space i have. My room here is twice the size of my room in the house in Portland. My house has never seemed so big or so quiet to me.
But it's nice to be home, looking at things, once again, with new eyes.
And i get to see Kristin soon! Can't wait. :)
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2 comments:
A trifle, really, but always one for absolute accuracy.....the forever stockings came from Great Aunt Jean, Grandmother's sister. The overall discussion is cool, looking at commonalities of St. Louis through eyes that have been in New York, London, McClellan, Krakow, Portland.....no wonder it always takes a couple of days to figure out how you feel about being here.
Thomas Wolfe said 'You can't go home again.' A Greek philosopher (whose name i can't remember) said that no man can go into a river twice. The water moves on and we are changed daily by our experiences to be new persons. I hope your experiences lead you to a place of contentment and wisdom. Here at home we are changing in our own ways, but there will always be a place for you with family that loves you.
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