stay....here??

Each time i talk to kristin, she tells me how great it would be if i just stayed here in st. louis. and every time, i say, no! i don't want to move back to st. louis. but here I am, 3 days at home, and thinking...maybe... maybe i could live here. i like it right now. i think about moving back to new york, and there's so much anxiety in that. do i want to do that? i'm not sure. staying here would be easier. i know i could find a job. i could think about going back to school. i could get ready to go on trips and adventures abroad.
and then i think, what are you doing? i was never going to stay here! i was never going to come back here. but then, i don't hate it like i used to. there's a lot of great things in this city, maybe it'd be ok to live here for a little while? til i get tired of hiding and want to bust out on my own again?
we'll see. but i don't hate the idea.