in a daze

I feel a disconnect with my life right now. people keep asking, are you alright? and i say immediately, yes! i'm fine!
but i'm starting to realize that i'm walking around in a cloud. like i'm on my own in a bubble away from the world. i'm not sure what i'm doing, and i'm having trouble getting moving because i can't really believe that i'm here.
i don't do well with change. not a good thing for someone who likes changing everything as much as i do. but i need time to adjust to it. and when the change is something that others control instead of being my decision, i get more lost.
so now, i'm on my own. not that that's a bad thing, i'm pretty good at being on my own. but after riding the wave of camp, and then mike and i riding together after getting kicked off camp... it's always easier with someone else.
i'm on my own now, and i've done very little. and somehow i've woken up today more dazed than any day before.
i know that i need to get moving. i need to get my shit together, leave my aunt's house. i need to drive to the city and meet my friends for dinner and lword.
but it sure is nice to spend all day sat on the couch on the computer talking to friends and not being particularly productive.

but now i'm going to get moving. time to travel a long way and find my way home again.